How do you typically handle encounters with “special needs” individuals?
“True happiness is really only to be found in sympathetic sharing.” (Johann Wolfgang Goethe)
In my last blog, I reported that I would begin a “Third Place” experiment whereby I would prioritize spending more “quality time” with people in local gathering places on our next road trip. So let’s begin with my brief interactions involving a troubled adult man I encountered at McDonalds Restaurant recently in my hometown.
FINDING THIRD PLACE #1
I like to eat breakfast at a nearby McDonalds a few times a week. The employees are friendly and some interesting people watching takes place when I’m munching on my meal. Lately, I’d been noticing a formally dressed gentleman of potential “special needs” interest as he slowly limped on each occasion to his seat, ordered nothing and then proceeded with sad eyes to stare obliviously at the windows for extended periods of time.
So I obviously felt shocked a week or so afterward when in fact I saw this odd man now dressed in his casual McDonalds uniform slouched forward behind the order counter and with kind of a slurred lisp, said hello. So I told him I wanted my usual order of an English Muffin with scrambled eggs, one butter, and a senior decaf coffee. Staring at the cash register at my request, he displayed nervous confusion and seemingly did not know what to do. Fortunately his antics caught the attention of the restaurant manager who kindly took over from him and quickly punched out on the register my order request. As I waited a few minutes for my coffee to brew, I observed with interest that the besieged server started pacing around the seating area with a scared look on his face.
With my teacher instincts honing in, now seemed the time to take action. So I yelled out from my seat to get his attention and then engaged in some brief “chit chat” with him to hopefully calm him down. Being under less pressure to fulfill his job duty requests behind the cash register, he gave me surprisingly candid answers about how felt about his job while I commended him for his hard work efforts. With good reason, this troubled man probably will not last much longer at McDonalds but at least I’ve given him a moment to believe in his self worth that day.
Snippets of a Traveling Mind 
This is such a great concept “Third Place” I too have always believed in it and tried to practice it during my motorcycling days, when I roamed around India. Your kind interaction with the man at McDonald’s will surely make a difference in his life and also do good to your soul. I think stewardship and doing good to others is the ultimate high.
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Yes I agree that Third Place is a nice waybto approach travel. On my last road trip , I experienced some Third Place exposure to a nuclear disarmament expert and found it quite rewarding.
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Howdy Usfman!
This is an issue that I’ve been struggling with in my own family for some time. We are autistic. My daughter, my sister, my nieces, my mother, and I are all autistic to one degree or another. My daughter has now graduated high school, but it reluctant, incapable, something of leaving the house, attending university, or getting a job. Luckily, she was in her later school years during the #COVDI19 pandemic and our school allowed her to continue to study from home when returning to school proved to be too much for her.
I’ve been reflecting on how my sister, mother, and I did it, worked, had careers, raised families. Looking back on the history of all three of us, I realize it was hard. Real hard. Adapting to the neurotypical world was stressful and difficult. It took a lot of trial and error with an emphasis on the error. Luckily, we all found niches that would tolerate our eccentricities and where at least some of our symptoms were assets or at least not completely detrimental.
I’m not sure that that was the right way to go, looking at my daughter. I’m not sure that the stress and strain of adapting to a non-accommodating world was worth it in the end. I think that as long as my wife and I can provide for her — and we’ll be able to set up a trust that will provide for her for the rest of her life — that the wisest course isn’t to help her find a community of friends and support, a way to earn money at least now and again — luckily the Internet provides for ample opportunities there in the gig economy — and call it a day.
Back in my former life, I was a manager at a Taco Bell. We had a program where we employed neurodivergent people in limited roles that suited their abilities and accommodated their stress levels, meaning that if it got to be too much for them that shift, we worked around it. That is to say, your special needs fellow may actually have a job at the McDonalds for as long as he wants it even though, I don’t know if it is actually the best thing for him.
Huzzah!
Jack
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That was kind of you to talk to that guy. The hardest part is showing up sometimes. The more he’s at work, hopefully the more confidence he’ll gain.
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I saw him again today and he looked the same.
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Hey Jack – After listening to Kamala’s inspiring acceptance speech, I am feeling better that she will push legislation to remedy special needs issues that pertain to equality of opportunity.
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