USFMAN Cruise Challenge 2017

As Ruth and I ended our relaxing, reposition cruise with a farewell selfie, my curious mind raised a number of perplexing questions for lighthearted analysis. How many can you answer correctly?

PROPOSED SCORING:

20-25 correct – Cruising is second nature for you – As you are obviously a savvy cruiser , I say go for it.

15-19 correct – You should embrace cruising but be beware of long distance travel. Do not travel alone if possible.

6-14 correct – Look at cruising as a matter of celebratory necessity only. If you desire a second honeymoon or simply want to party, for instance, cruise intermittently. Stay as busy as possible with as many onboard activities daily to avoid being burdened by thoughts of life back home.

0-5 correct- Cruising is a risky form of travel for you in any time or place. If you decide to sail, consider staying in your cabin for the entire length of the voyage. Avoid elevators or lifeboats at all cost.

BEGIN THE TEST BELOW:

1. Why are there no canaries on the Canary Islands? Why
bother to name it after this bird in the first place?

2. Why can’t cruise lines make the Sargasso Sea into a day trip cruise destination? I would love to see up close lava action as the continental plates collide.

3. Why do cruise lines offer a newspaper that prints news
from two days ago?

4.Why does the mere mention of the word lobster generate potential bedlam amongst cruise passengers on the ship?

5. How effectively could police conduct a legitimate sobriety test onboard a wave bouncing ship?

6. Are passengers who appear asleep in hypnotist acts aboard ship merely faking it? How is it possible instantly fall asleep at the snap of a hypnotist’s finger?

7. Why do cruises offer the services of a library when its main purpose seems to be as a meeting place for small-talking fools?

8. Why are cruise landings located inaccessibly to the most beautifully pristine places on tropical islands?

9. Why am I more likely to find a rugby or cricket match than a football/baseball game televised on a cruise ship filled with sports ravenous Americans?

10. Why does the term “Senior Summer Camp” come to mind when I go on a longer cruise?

11. If there really is a captain of a cruise ship, why have I rarely seen one?

12.Why are there cabins nearby me where people never leave their assigned room space? What are they doing?

13.Why are trays no longer offered in buffet lines to carry plates and utensils?

14. How does a scrawny sparrow appear on deck in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean?

15. Why doesn’t the chef prepare lobster every night of a cruise? The passengers would be much more happy.

16.Why is it easier to find the women’s restroom?

17.How many obese cruise passengers at one time can you fit into a single elevator before it becomes dis -functional to use?

18. Why do room stewards knock on my door at night while I am sleeping to announce that they need to change the bed?

19. Why do so few passengers seem to wave on top decks at cruise ports during departures anymore?

20. Why are time zone changes announced on the open seas when land is several days away? What difference does this make?

21.What is the official cure for a person who experiences “cabin fever” after several, consecutive sea days cruising?

22. Why are the dessert trays visibly located as the first food item you notice when entering the buffet area?

23. Why is it easier to find a pizza slice or ice cream cup than the exercise/ fitness area on a cruise ship?

24. Why are road sign rules not placed along the walk/jog circuits and food line areas?

25. In the event of evacuation, how seaworthy are the lifeboats if they are weighted down with food heavy passengers?

PROPOSED ANSWERS:

1.The Canaries were never intended to be named after this cute little bird but they actually derive from a long ago period of Roman conquest of the oppressed Native people in these islands. From a tourist marketing perspective, also, it’s better to entice people to exotically new places with eye catching names.

2.There lies zero landmass on the Sargasso Sea.

3. Being aware of current reality news is counterproductive to the fantasy of hedonistic escape on any cruise.

4. Food addictions run rampant on cruises

5. Why bother with sobriety tests. Alcohol addictions aboard ship are easily satisfied by slick marketing ploys for unlimited wine and spirits indulgence.

6. Wait about ten minutes after the show has finished. Hang out in the lobby and notice how many passengers admit they were suspiciously contacted before the show to act willingly to simulate sleep behavior.

7. Reading is counterproductive to being a small talking fool in any environment on a ship.

8. Hordes of cruise tourists converging on such serene locations would overtax the natural amenities of such places. Resulting “tourist trap” infiltration would reduce the cruise lines marketing allure to visit them.

9. The dutiful staff of a cruise-boat resides primarily outside the United States where American football/baseball does not market well. Since they are the more permanent occupants of a
cruise experience, it makes sense to prioritize their sports interests first by television.

10. Older people flock to longer cruises because they now have the time. Many of them, however, feel lonely, sedentary, and “out of touch” with life. Therefore, the greater amount of sea days on such a cruise revitalizes their spirit to feel young again by staying busy with a seemingly endless array of activities onboard ship every day.

11. To be honest, I did have actually made an actual, photo op-sighting of the alleged captain on this cruise. It appears that much of his real work in making a cruise successful remains hidden from public view to create an illusion for the passenger of continual happiness aboard ship. In reality, the captain is a very busy man dealing with stressful docking deadlines, stomach churning weather, and constant employee turnover. He therefore has little time or inclination to show face in public.

12. Seasickness overcomes the spirit to enjoy a cruise onboard for some. If you have the luxury of a seaside balcony, you can relax all day/night there, without undergoing the emotional
condition of “cabin fever.”

13. Cruise personnel might be afraid that ravenous passengers will pile food to cover their entire tray regularly thus risking the calamity that a ship will run out of food.

14. Little birds find large cruise ships as lazy ways to cross the ocean with little flying needed on their part and ample free food.

15. The lobster species would soon become extinct. Also, competition among passengers to fill their plate with lobster
might incite aggression and fighting among hungry passengers.

16.Women might have several, urgent needs other than elimination of waste products for using a bathroom compared to men on board a ship. Therefore, they should not be expected to search impatiently as men do to find a restroom.

17.Any more than ten, food satisfied cruisers crowding into a ship elevator, and I am heading for the stairs. In addition, walkers, wheelchairs, and service dogs might exacerbate such a weight situation.

18.Cruise passengers are not expected to sleep much unless they are sick. There are so many better ways to fill a cruiser’s time at night on a cruise.

19. Easy answer. They have already made a “beeline”to the buffet deck.

20. Gaining or losing an hour by time zone proves at least that the boat is actually moving. Other than that, slowly evolving, time zone changes might convince many from a marketing perspective that making the choice for sailing across the ocean is a possible cure for jet lag.

21. Rebook an oceanfront, balcony room location or perhaps inquire at the infirmary for an immediate treatment of “medically induced” coma.

22.If you eat more sugary products, your food addiction will grow. Then you will book more cruises to satisfy your hunger on the buffet deck.

23. A large percentage of elderly passengers on longer are in no physical shape to exercise on board ship. Their obesity is largely caused by bad choices leading them to eat a carb/sugar loaded diet in the first place. Why disappoint them now in their “golden years?”

24. Road signs placed along streets are a matter of serving calls for the public interest for health, safety…Cruises , however, cater to the narcissistic needs of passengers competitively as a private enterprise. Therefore, it would not be in the marketing interests of a cruise line to over-legislate its product restricting freedom of movement onboard ship.

25. The lifeboats are tested periodically for buoyancy/ safety conditions. Yet, I wouldn’t hesitate to make use of my relatively athletic fitness if I was onboard a heavily loaded ship of plump passengers.In such case, I would employ a Plan B option to make my way swimming to a visibly close island.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Blogging Hiatus

My wife and I will commence our 2019 summer vacation on Saturday July 26 with a thirteen day  cruise from our home base in Fort Lauderdale, Florida to Quebec City, Canada. USFMAN looks forward to resuming his blog  postings and accompanying photos of our nine ports of call after we return on August 12. Thank you for continuing to find interest in “Snippets of the Traveling Mind.”

London Evokes Halloween Spirit

E2DEF307-3F1D-4F5B-A232-D06AF16E2695As Halloween approaches soon, my recent tour of London revealed it to be an ideal place to witness the masquerade revelry and ghostly ghoulishness of this popular holiday. Without question, the oldness of London reeked authenticity, where the adventurous traveler could easily retrace dark and dismal remnants of olden times. In contrast, a modern viewpoint of London Halloween portrayed a spectacular show of pop culture inviting a carnival of sinfully goblin pleasures for sure. Four vivid examples immediately come to mind.

Let me begin with the famous Tower Bridge of London, whose twin towers hover prominently over the Thames River leading to the infamous Tower of London. At night, a quick glance at this iconic landmark symbolized the eerie path to the infamous dungeon with its suggested backdrop of tortured prisoners within its imposing, medieval walls. Since its construction in the late 19th century, several incidents have also occurred where mysterious drawbridge openings occurred at strangely inopportune times More recently, President Clinton’s motorcade arrived at midpoint of the bridge span in 1997 as it dangerously rose, threatening the safety of several vehicles along his motorcade.

In deep underground London lie the famous “Tubes” that provide efficient transportation for London travelers daily. Yet my experience of this aging tunnel system on this visit depicted a maze of meandering passages  that confuse the mind of distance and direction. Feeling trapped like a rat at times, a nightmarish vision set in that there might be no way to exit in case of emergency. Speaking of rats, I have sighted several of the alleged half a million pesky rodents lurking as if awaiting the next tube to arrive.

Murder mysteries seem to be an appropriate theme for scary Halloween in London. In my case, a short visit to the Jack the Ripper Museum revealed a sad time in London when a deranged man created mass outrage in the city by murdering eight, innocent women in cold blood. A sizable collection of gruesome artifacts from the crime scene displayed there provides ample evidence of the grotesque nature of these crimes.

For a more contemporary vision of Halloween in London, our visit to Camden in North London would certainly suffice. Along main shopping streets, brash displays of bohemian coolness and gothic darkness tantalized my senses as the weird excesses of impulse buying for exotic body piercings and illicit drug sales there seems impressively evident. What a perfect place to protest the blandness of everyday routine in such a spectacular fashion!

Why not put on a costume of my dreams now? In fact, with “Comic
Con”, taking place in London during our visit, this convention seemed to incite an ideal motivation to celebrate Halloween in such disguised fashion during this visit. With one day  left until the ghosts and goblins arrive, I think that I will settle for reading a scary story or two in a comfortable bed on this long and arduous journey. I could use some sleep.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

My Evolving Travel Psyche

When mind chatter seeks wander from drizzles of gray
It means time to move on to fresh traveling ways
When robots of idle bring burdensome days
It means time to pound feet on new cobblestone ways

When curious of mind finds so little to learn
It means time to pursue a more globalist earn
When mountains of stuff invite greediness goad
It means time to store less with much lighter pack load

When ego burns anger in blameful offend
It means travel in peace in true search for new friend
When fine fettle flows fit to trust body and soul
It means travel means more than a neighborhood stroll

Many landscapes I’ve seen, much more to explore
Opening paths through new portals embrace distant shore

Heavy Dose Of Dublin Grayness

I have to admit I enjoyed the dull grayness pervading the chilly Dublin air this week. After leaving the vibrant, “bonne vie”of Paris, Ruth and I arrived at our latest destination in mid morning struggling to keep our umbrellas upright in pelting rain. Amidst the normality of such austere weather conditions here, I desired to probe how Dubliners had weathered the ravages of such hard times? My analysis would provide ample reason that these hardy people adapt quite well to such dismal weather. We would accordingly refuse to allow such weather weariness dampen our own spirits on this visit.

A first clue to Dublin’s staying power arose upon being informed that our Air B&B flat would not be ready to occupy for several more hours. Popping into a local coffee cafe, then, we would spend our idle time savoring the warmth of a hot coffee, sweet carbs, reggae music, and the solitude of an easy chair to plan our four day itinerary. Our later wanderings would reveal no surprise about why there were so many pub-filled establishments throughout the city. A heavy dose of Irish Coffee as well as Guinness Beer seemed tempting options for Dubliners under these circumstances.

Settling into our cozy flat in mid afternoon, we desired to walk along the nearby O’Connell Street corridor leading to sites in the heart of downtown.Yet the inclement weather convinced us to make use of the Dublin mass transit system and wisely book a ”Go Dublin “Pass for convenient hop-on, hop-off access throughout a more expanded portion of the city. This efficient mode of transportation would shelter us from the shivering wetness as we conversed friendlily with fellow passengers and sang Irish songs with them along the way.

So many famous writers have lived in Dublin. I could now join this esteemed literary past and use the “downtime” created by anticipated foul weather to write to my heart’s content in the company of Oscar Wilde, George Bernard Shaw, James Joyce, and Jonathan Swift. It excited me that the wind blown grounds of St. Patrick’s Cathedral, the shadowed blackness of the River Liffey, and the rain soaked presence of a homeless beggar would stir my creative juices as they did long ago for these immortal authors.

When the overcast skies finally cleared, we decided to get out and explore the surrounding coastline.Traveling by train to the seaside gem of Howth, we absorbed the serene atmosphere of this fishing village and realized that the Dublin milieu did not portray all gloom and gray. Toughened to endure a weather beaten existence, Dubliners can always find a time/place for experiencing some “sunshine”in their lives. So keep your “head up” when your thoughts turn to gray and realize that “blue skies” will always lie on the horizon.

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Prime Stages Of Parisian Delights

This independent traveler and his wife play many roles in satisfying their enjoyment of the present. Returning to Paris, this week, we found ample opportunity to practice this multifaceted philosophy. We would first indulge our senses in intellectual, culinary, and artistic delight in a city that honors its illustrious past so well. Concurrently, tests of our sporting mind would enable us to traverse great distances through spacious parksides and winding riverfront to stay in shape. Feeling less challenged, at times, Paris finally represented the opportunity to slow down in life to rest and watch the autumn season unfold.

Having a close friend visit us in Paris this week brought excitement as she decided to accompany us on our itinerary. In fact, her infectious travel energy would inspire us to play tour guide in spite of our jet lagged fatigue. We would thus enjoy introducing her to the bohemian heights of Sacre Couer, the “Impressionistic” paintings of Musée d’Orsay, as well as the Baroque wonders of Versailles Palace.

We love to walk in Paris when we can, as attested by our accumulated total of over 22 miles hiking distance in merely four days. Following the intricate maze of mass transit stations each day became our biggest source of exercise So many steps to ascend and descend amidst bustling, commuter passage would challenge our cardiovascular fitness on this adventure .

“Impressionistic” landscapes envisioned for us a more relaxed kind of Paris. Such masters as Monet, Renoir, or Pissarro would paint scenes of pastoral beauty, reminding us to make time to seek serenity in nature there. Thus, we would find such inner peace on this Paris visit by strolling aimlessly along the Seine River and Luxembourg Gardens this week. Finding a quiet bench to sit, on occasion, we could savor the autumn season of falling leaves and cool breezes then.

Standing silently under the Eiffel Tower one starry night, we gazed in awe at this great symbol of Parisian pride. In this moment, our emotions stirred to truly appreciate this iconic symbol of liberty. We thus certainly intend to make good use of this freedom to travel as far as we can and for as long as we can in the future.

 

In Search Of My French Groove

A momentous travel decision in my life has finally been made. In anticipation of our one week stay in Paris, next week, I am overjoyed that I finally have decided to “bite the bullet” and learn to speak a bit of French. Conditioning myself to spend an hour or two each day for several months now, I have appeared to accomplish this goal by obtaining a decent grasp of French vocabulary. Such efforts are thus described as follows:

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Duolingo Free App

Using Duolingo as a game strategy keeps me motivated from a learning perspective. Each lesson contains visual cues, audio pronunciations, and ample opportunities to earn (instead of buy) valued gems” for prolonged playing time. Formidable challenges, however, are built into the program as one progresses from simple to more complex phrases. In particular, too many errors made on a given lesson results in an immediate cut off from free access for the remainder of a given day. For the most part, spelling for accuracy presents the greatest challenge for me as I attempt to move ahead to longer French phrases ( eg. Qu’est-ce que c’est).To alleviate my stress, I also use the Duolingo website option which offers a similar format as the app with “unlimited” completion time. As a result of these efforts , Duolingo reports that I have achieved 48% proficiency in French.

Duolingo Tiny Cards

Flipping cards in fast pace fashion to learn meanings and pronounce sets of words helps me immensely. I enjoy the pleasant pings and happy smiles that appear every time I get a word or phrase correct. Such required memory for detail required here reminds of my childhood passion to recite hitting/pitching statistics on the back of my beloved baseball cards. As a side note, I would recommend using Tiny Cards on occasions when the app version disqualifies one from further playing time.

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Learn The Culture

To learn a new language, it makes sense to immerse oneself in real, cultural situations. In watching foreign films, I have thus become a captive observer of time/place for dialogue cues in street scenes , cafe seatings, and times of confrontation. For example, the character portrayed by Julie Delpy in the touching dramas “Before Midnight” and “Before Sunrise” seemed helpful for me to understand Parisian norms of when and how to speak formally or informally to convey a growing friendship accompanied by times of dissatisfaction.

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Color Coded Cheat Sheets

The convenient app, Google Translate, enables me to instantly convert my English to French as needed. Finding a need to stimulate my memory more actively, however, I also write my own paper translations of such online provided phrases. In color coding my lists by category, I can take quick peeks at the appropriate phrase on my cheat sheet list in language challenged situations.

To feel the passion yet sophistication of the French language seems wonderfully empowering to this independent traveler. To know that awkward silence in the face of French interaction challenges in the past can be replaced by intuitive understanding and proactive conversation on my part is equally exciting. It might feel right then to say: “J’aime apprendre comme je cherche la bonne vie à l’étranger.”

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Autumn Stroll In Return To Paris

The cold seeps through my light jacket and makes me shiver. Yet here I bask once again in the glories of autumn in Paris. With each breath taken, I notice how life slows into the shadowed nuances of a Monet or Renoir masterpiece. I will thus quiet my mind from life’s endless complexities and simply enjoy the present moment now. Past regrets or future worries can always wait.

So I walk quietly along the Seine with no destination in mind. Crunching along the fallen leaves, I gaze starry-eyed at priceless vestiges of an earlier time. Stately buildings display illustrious inscriptions from the French past. A royal chandelier shines brightly from a passing window with ghosts of sumptuous feasts gone by. Noticing the French flag soaring proudly on a passing barge, I truly feel the French pride in country now.

The geometry of shape mesmerizes me in several ways as a grand footbridge draws closer. Gilded bronze decorations of gods and goddesses reveal a time when great emperors ruled the Western world. Cast iron streetlights remain as a ornate remnants of Beau Epoque ornateness in the late 19th century. A perfect symmetry of arch is formed as a tourist boat quietly emerges into view. As dusk approaches, now, the dramatic presence of Notre Dame suddenly emerges beyond these murky waters in full, Gothic splendor.

The Parisian landscape that I have observed today on this simple walk along the Seine reveals a moment of personal truth. So much in life can be gained if we notice the simple signs of nature that surrounds us every day. A dying leaf, a mystical river, a stony path: I suddenly wish that today would never end.

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Bully Bob Gone Haywire

The following poem is a fictional endeavor that reveals some insight about the dangerous mix of guns and bullies amidst our country’s current culture of open anger expression. While I have been inspired to create this work by the tragic events of the recent, Las Vegas shooting, I do not claim authenticity of the ideas presented. Having experienced the angered backlash of bullies in the past, I find it appropriate to attach the following video from the late and great Tom Petty – “I Won’t Back Down”

BULLY BOB GONE HAYWIRE

Bully led mindsets rain bullets of hate

Cold boasts of no feeling for victimized fate

Delusions of glory no time to see Mom

Stay blind to regret he delivers death’s bomb

 

Set rules to win power whose life he can screw

Imagine no end to his acts of blood spew

Feed nightmares that protest this city of sin

No point in false game when one’s money can’t win

 

Spread fire and fury few question this villain

Our country enraged let’s gets on with the killin’

Spin personal gain in quick triggers of lout

No time for compassion in hubris bound spout

 

As feathers comply with the power of winds

In bully bound glory his life care rescinds

 

Disney Brand Endures

Thinking “outside the box” after facing the wrath of Hurricane Irma in South Florida, my wife Ruth and I decided to celebrate my mother’s 91st birthday with a two- day escape to Walt Disney World this week. Realizing that she would not be physically comfortable with long walks in touring theme parks, we opted to maximize “quality time” together by planning a less ambitious agenda. Thus, our planned itinerary would blend hotel-hopping in mid morning, shady siestas in the afternoons, and leisurely dinners in early evenings. In retrospect, our “Plan B” decision proved wise under these circumstances.

IMG_1752Arriving in early afternoon, our spacious suite at the All Star Music Resort would set the tone for a relaxing visit. Admiring the colorful murals of musical artwork, and well preserved landcapes of native vegetation, I immersed my mind in picture taking “heaven”. To insure privacy for all, my mother would also enjoy her own bedroom while we “made do” with living room, sleeping accommodations.

A few years ago, my wife and I experienced the Victorian grandeur in the Grand Hotel of “Somewhere In Time” movie fame on Mackinac Island , Michigan. Observing that Disney World built a well conceived replica of this iconic resort at the Grand Floridian Hotel, we decided to treat her there with an elegant, dining affair there on our first night. Taking in historic ambience offering a glimpse of American nostalgia for the Victorian American past, we thus imagined ourselves living lavishly as time travelers in this much revered era without paying the $500.00 and up daily booking rate.

On our second day, Disney’s free transportation options for visiting key attractions proved helpful as the idea of slowly traveling by boat seemed the most relaxing option. Embarking from the riverside dock at the Port Orleans resort, we imagined ourself surrounded by French Quarter balconies of Bourbon Street today and Mississippi River plantations from the antebellum past . Arriving at Disney Springs Outdoor Marketplace before noon, we ambled slowly in search of shopping bargains, thus avoiding the tourist crowds and rising heat of the afternoon. With thoughts of fresh seafood entering our mind as we returned to our New Orleans theme point of origin, we would end this relaxing day by indulging in a sumptuous buffet of endless crab legs for dinner at the Beach Club Resort.

“Think like a kid”, “good triumphs over evil”, “beauty defeats beast”, welcome home”; These enduring testaments of the Disney brand brought over 30,000,000 visitors to Magic Kingdom and Epcot alone last year. For this curious follower of the present mindset, each Disney visit arouses my desire to seek childlike play amidst such pleasurable fantasies. For good reason, then, the Disney brand for me remains a much valued commodity, even when I indulge at a much slower pace.

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