I recently read with excitement that the Miami Marlins finally completed the sale of their baseball team to refreshingly new ownership.This latest transition during their 25th anniversary season does not shock me give the team’s recent failures to win consistently on the field Being a lifetime baseball fan who truly loves watching the game in person, I immediately thought of some spirited innovations to inspire a new, winning era of Marlins baseball.
1. Ditch the contorted sculpture presence beyond centerfield that reminds me of a Medusa snake alluring victims to their death every time a Miami home run takes place.
2. Eliminate the excessive sales billboards around the rim of the stadium. Bring back the out of town scoreboard so I can fill in the agonizingly slow time between pitches by watching the performance of my other favorite teams.
3. Change the name from Marlins Park for attracting a wider demographic audience to the comforting environs of this park. Some top of the head options” include: “Tropical Paradise Park Beach Party Place, Serenity For Seniors Arena and of course Mother Ship Landing.
4. Energize the lineup call on the “Jumbotron” scoreboard before each home game with a DJ spin. 1st batter – “Yo Miami- – “Give it up for #1 – my main man…2nd batter -” You won’t believe your eyes meet…” 3rd batter – “Cmon man, put your hands together for…” 4th batter – “Show me some some love for…”
5. Rethink the concept of the Bobblehead Museum at the Park as a more visible commodity. Place giant Bobblehead figures of new,part time owners Derek Jeter and Michael Jordan at all park entry gates to lessen the anger of fan security inconveniences.
6. Replace the tawdry “Clevelander Club”beyond left field with a family friendly venue. I don’t see the need in bringing small children to a baseball game to watch a stag show of men hanging out after work to watch scantily clad dancers seductively entertain them.
7. If I decide to use my ticket to become a “designated driver” , offer me something healthier than a Diet Coke as an enticement to use this service.
8. Open the retractable ceiling during games more often. I enjoy watching exotic birds fly in and around the park when the action gets boring.
9.Use more discretion in live video screening of fans throughout the ballpark (i.e. Kiss Cams and Salsa Dance theatrics). There are enough baseball attendees who preoccupy their time spent at the ballpark by taking selfies of themselves on their mobile phones already. Watching the game itself should be the main focus.
10. Allow unlimited mascot therapy sessions with fans between innings in cases of “blowout” losses. Hugging and high-fiving can provide a jolt of positive energy to those in a funk because their team has no way to win that day.
lol know little about baseball and even less about this team but it sounds like good practical advice that I hope they read .. maybe post a link on their FB page to ensure they do 🙂
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I wrote this blog as a satire about the egotistical attitude of baseball fans there who don’t even watch the game.